I am not here to “fix” you… anymore.
I’m not here to deeply search your expression for clues to the mystery of what I need to be today to fulfill your needs or soothe your moods. This lifelong anticipation goes far beyond being a supportive friend, relative, or partner, for I am the Queen of Above and Beyond. I don’t just want to make you smile. I live to see you happy, even as that chips away at a relationship that could have been healthy.
Why has it been so easy, so natural to assume the role of Saint, servant, martyr—doormat? Where did that instinct come from?
Baby, I was born like this.
Baby, it’s time to get off that cross.
Codependent No More | Created by Jaye in Midjourney
Declaration of Independence
To whom it may concern:
I quit.
I have accepted a new position in a life that demands I speak up, straighten my spine, pull myself up off the floor, and feel my last f*cking nerve. It is no longer my job to anticipate, to jump, to fawn, to tend to emotional injuries, to live in shadows while everyone else is having the time of their lives.
This change in me is going to unnerve you, piss you off, and maybe even cause you to detach from me.
Bring it on.
Detachment: It’s becoming the life-giving force I never knew I needed. A fountain of pristine mountain water in the desert of an over-functioning, tapped-out soul.
Desert Bloom | Created by Jaye in Midjourney
Now, as I stand outside of us, I observe. I allow myself to feel, breathe, ask questions, and be okay with not fulfilling a single need outside of myself. And as I become more of a watcher than a giver, I now see the strong, capable spark of a person I’ve always been. I no longer weep for the lost little girl in me who is so afraid of her power.
I now connect her to the energy source within that I misspent on everyone else. I also recognize that she needed to be a fixer, helper, and pleaser for the worthiest of reasons, which had nothing to do with anyone else. I understand now, and I forgive. I forgive everyone, especially me, because this is not how I was born.
It was how I was wired.
Neuroplasticity in Bloom | Created by Jaye in Midjourney
I see this now for exactly what it was and for what it will always be. The way that I needed to survive. And I will never regret or apologize for how my brain or body taught me to survive.
Now, the hard work begins. Nobody needs any fixing. Not even me. “Doing the work” isn’t “fixing” anything or anyone—it’s building. It’s building upon what’s already there. And I’ve never been more ready to do my work.
The Freedom of “No”
To whom it may concern:
You will hear some words from me that will not compute. Especially the word “no.” Saying “no” often unnerves me too. The guilt, the discomfort, the cognitive dissonance. It’s all part of flexing a new muscle, of wielding my new sword: Boundaries.
As my priority shifts to pursuing what most empowers me now, you will either feel fueled or repelled by this. And that is no longer my business. Come along with me or say goodbye. But be assured I will not try to “fix” you anymore.
Cultivating Boundaries | Created by Jaye in Midjourney
To whom it may concern:
I don’t blame you for all the ways I betrayed myself to be a people pleaser. I know you didn’t all want me to take care of you. I know I overreached sometimes. I know that covering my light was as much a disservice to you as it was to me.
Now that I am flexing my newfound muscles, please be assured that when I say “no,” when I detach from your messes, when I don’t fall all over myself to please you, this is quite possibly the first time I’ve ever shown you just how much I truly f*cking love you.
Strong & Delicate | Created by Jaye in Midjourney
No More…
To whom it may concern:
I release you from the burden of being my priority. It’s my turn now.
Chin up, shoulders back, wings engaged. Just watch me take flight…
Watch Me Take Flight | Created by Jaye in Midjourney
Let’s Talk!
Is saying “no” difficult and painful for you? Are you a recovering codependent? Can you relate to this manifesto? I would love to hear about your journey to freedom! Finally, please consider leaving a comment below, subscribing to my newsletter, and/or following me on social media to keep the conversation flowing! ✨🖤💫
0 Comments